All in All....

So, recently, I was made single. I'm not complaining or anything. Honestly, it's quite possibly one of the greatest things to happen to me lately. Most people don't see the good in a break up until a few days later. Here's my story.

I was dating what I thought to be a wonderful man. He recently graduated with a degree in Communications with plans to be a sports anchor, he ran marathons, he was kind, sweet, and understanding when it came to my busy performance schedule. He supported me.

Then, one day, something changed in him. He became less active, never wanting to run. He became depressed, angry, and uncaring. It was strange, him changing like this. The man I met in February was a totally different person by June. Soon, his depression shifted to me. I became unhappy with myself and my situation in life. I became angry, self-loathing, and unmotivated.  I felt unappreciated.

 Finally, I decided that I can not live this way.

I told him that we needed a break and that he needs to think of what he is wanting from me. Well, he turned worse once I told him this. I was bombarded with text messages that were filled with lies and angry words. I was called ruthless names, I was blamed for unfortunate situations, things that were not my fault. I gave up. I gave in and said enough.

I ended what I thought was the best relationship I could have had. It changed. And now I'm free. I am single and living. I'm happy.

Don't live in a relationship simply because you feel it can't get any better than what you have. You deserve better. Don't live in a relationship where you feel unloved, unappreciated, or defeated. Stand up and take your life into your own hands. Fight for your right to be with who you are and don't let someone else change that.

Go to http://www.thehotline.org/ to talk to an advocate for the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.

Don't live in fear. Rise up and breathe.

I'm an Idiot

So, I just ruined one of the best relationships I ever had because I'm a giant manipulator. Woo-hoo. Go me. We even thought about trying to fix it. But I had to be a manipulative bitch and screw things up and cost myself $150. Go me.

Chocolate Heaven

Today, I made little chocolate pieces of heaven. I decided that I was really craving chocolate. So, I looked up chocolate desert recipes. Then I found the best thing on earth. A chocolate molten lava cake from a French pastry chef. So, I'm gonna share this little piece of heaven with you. 

Ingredients:

1 3/8 sticks of butter 

1 1/2 cup of powdered sugar

1/2 cup flour

3 large eggs

3 egg yolks

5oz chocolate chips 

Directions:

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. 

Melt butter and chocolate together over a double broiler, stirring occasionally. 

Mix eggs, egg yolks, and sugar together till smooth. Then, fold in the chocolate mixture. Once well folded, mix in the flour. 

Pour batter into well greased muffin tins only about 3/4 of the way full. 

These only cook for 4-5 minutes to ensure that they stay lava like in the middle.  

These things are fantastic. Just make them. Do it. 

Stupid Me.

Well, I decided to tan today. Who knows why. I'll be honest with you, I am pale as friggin' sheet. So I put tanning lotion on and laid out for around an hour. Not only did I burn, I got stared at by my creepy neighbor and his son. I kept hearing wolf whistles and 'take it off'. Just a reminder to not tan near creepy people. Also, if you're white, just stay white. 

Only Me...

So, today I had an interview for a job with Macy's. Essentially, they loved me and want to hire me but need to find the right position for me, which I will work with. So, to celebrate I went to Culver's to get some cheese curds because.. Hell, because I deserved it. So I'm pulling into the turn lane and the truck in the lane beside me decided, 'it'd be really fun to run this girl off the road!' So, to avoid hitting him, I ended up running over a road sign. He then promptly drove off while honking his horn. So, to celebrate my new employment, I got to put my car in the shop and pay a bill for a new A/C unit. 

Only me...

Why do I Relate to TV?

For some strange reason that I will never know, I relate more to television shows and the characters within them. Right now, I'm watching House, M.D. and I can't help but relate with House. He seems like such an ass, right? Wrong. He simply shuts down and hides behind his sarcasm and intelligence to hid his pain. He has been dealt a handful. He deals with a disability he never would have chosen and has an addiction he never wished he had. 

I have a disorder called stress conversion disorder. There are no disfiguring symptoms physically. Emotionally, however, I'm black and blue. Essentially, my stressors pile up in my mind and then when my mind has had enough, it turns my stress into a physical symptom. For a lot of people with conversion disorder, it manifests as an illness. Puking, fever, rashes. Mine manifests as seizures and headaches. If I'm overly stressed, you can expect pretty quickly that I am most likely going to have a seizure. I'm not talking a cute little 'oh look a seizure'. I'm talking a full blown, violently shaking, sometimes pissing myself, eyes rolling back in my head kind of seizure. Then I get a headache. The worst headache you will ever experience is no where near as bad as this type of headache. Sometimes, I have muscle spasms. My arms pull into my chest like a velociraptor, my back bends up like I'm being abducted, my legs stretch out like... I don't know they stretch out. 

I never wanted this. Neither did House. 

Wow this is a depressing blog post. Oops. Too bad.  

Life as a Dog Mom

So, my boyfriend and I just got a 12 week old puppy.
Her name is Boston, due to my boyfriend being a marathon runner.
She's an Australian Shepard/Lab mix.
Best and worst idea ever.

She's cute as hell.
She's a little asshole.
She loves to cuddle with you.
She loves to bite your toes under the blanket.
She loves to play.
She loves to play at two in the morning.

She has a huge ego, however.
The other day, I took her on a walk and the neighbor had his dogs out.
He has a little mixed white dog.
He also has a teacup Yorkie.
This dog is the size of Boston's poop.
She was walking along when the little Yorkie barked.
Boston stopped and instantly decided,
"Aw yeah, I can take you."
Little did she realize that the neighbor had gotten a new dog.
This dog is a Bull Mastiff.
Boston is the size of this dogs poop.
She didn't go out of tough girl mode.
She didn't back down.
She lunged.
The Bull Mastiff barked,
Boston's tail went so far down that it hit China.
She leaped in my arms and now will not walk by this man's house.

Like I said,
Best and worst idea ever.